My Time is in His Hand

time in hand.jpg“But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, “You are my God.” My times are in your hand; rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors!”

Psalm 31:14-15

I have learned a lot these past three months. God has allowed me to go through a very tumultuous time of sickness; not my own, but my husband’s. My better half, to whom I lean on for support, wisdom, and just plain fun times, suffered not only a herniated disc that immobilized him for two months, but also life threatening blood clots in both lungs coupled with double pneumonia. I felt as if the enemy (Satan) was coming against us from every angle.

My first lesson came early in December when I realized that I now had to pick up many of the chores that my hubby did without thinking: lugging the garbage cans to the curb for pick up, putting salt on the outside steps before they iced over, and trying to keep the electric fence mended so that our precious Scruffy stayed within safe boundaries are just a small sample. Along with this came the responsibility of getting hubby to the doctors and hospitals, managing his medications, and arranging the house so that he could maneuver with a wheelchair. So, what was the lesson? I did all of this out of what I thought was love for my husband, but what God showed me through reading His Word was that I was doing it out of a selfish desire to prove I could manage it all. I had lost sight of the ultimate prize: God’s glory through tribulation.

“I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained.”  Philippians 3:14-16

God showed me that even though I love my husband and would do anything in the world to help him, deep down inside of me, I had not turned this service over to Him. I was providing all of my time for me; not for Jim, andnot for God. I prayed for healing, but I did not trust that God would heal. I trusted in my own care to make my hubby comfortable. I trusted in my own management skills to take the pain away. And I trusted in me to be the relief that my hubby needed.

I praise God for teaching me that there is so much more to serving others than the actual service; service should be the result, but the goal is fully living in Christ and letting go of self.

The second lesson God gave to me was that Satan has no more hold on me than I allow him. When I released my service as a wife to God, Satan lost his power of my thoughts and emotions. I no longer felt that I had to be the one to bring my hubby out of depression and fear. I knew that I had to be the conduit that God used to open his eyes to the possibilities of what God was doing and instill trust in God’s sovereignty. I was called to live my life strong in the Lord and not in myself.

“Finally, be strong in theLord and in the strength of his might.”            Ephesians 6:19

I have often read Job just because I seek to understand how he lived. Job was a man of honor, he never turned his back on God. God trusted Job so much that He allowed Satan to tempt him to sin by turning away from God. I believe that my desire to read this text in some way helped me to get through these three months. Oh, I didn’t face anything like Job did; I didn’t lose my children, my home, or my health. But in this milquetoast world that we live in today, my spoiled self went through quite a trial.

Finally, I learned that time is nothing. Three months or three years or three hundred years; it all belongs to God, not to us. And the only reason we are put on earth is to walk hand in hand with Him and to do all things to the glory of God, not self.


You never know how God will supply

cashier“I (Jesus) have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33


I went to the ENT doctor today for a checkup on the medication for COPD. The visit went well; I am showing great improvement in breathing and the medication is not causing any side effects. It went well, at least until the end. The doctor turned to his assistant and told her to order a more comprehensive PFT at our local hospital. I was a little taken aback, but didn’t say anything. We discussed the refills for my inhalers and then the doctor explained that the last time I was in I was in pretty bad shape and he wanted to make sure that no other damage was done to my lungs. He then smiled and escorted me to the exit.

I say in my door-less Jeep for a few minutes letting the soft breeze blow through and cleanse me of my apprehension at the words “in pretty bad shape.” It didn’t work. Now, I’m not one to worry, but any human is going to have at least a little bit of fear of the unknown in situations like this. I drove out of the parking lot and turned on K-Love, my favorite Christian radio station and let my mind focus on the praise coming across the airwaves.

I decided to stop at our local grocery and pick up some cleaning supplies. I usually use the self – check lane, but today I rolled my buggy into the cashier’s lane and smiled. She greeted me with a typical, “How are you today?” And I responded with my usual, “I’m blessed, how are you?” What followed next was a pure Jesus moment.

The cashier responded with, “I am beyond blessed!” And she proceeded to tell me how just a few months ago she was at death’s door with asthma and COPD. Even the oxygen she had been on for so long could not help her breathe and she was ready to join her husband in their heavenly home. But just before she crossed over, her husband met her and told her to go back, “God’s not done with you yet.”

The doctors are amazed, but I’m not. She stood there in front of me, smiling, healthy, no oxygen, and telling me of all that she is now doing in her church: teaching Sunday School, driving the Sunday morning bus, and sharing her testimony. God is not done with her. And He is not done with me.

Jesus gave me the desire to pull into that checkout lane and He gave this precious lady the words that He knew I needed to hear. I can have perfect peace, because my God knows where I am, what I am going through, and what my next step should be.

Someday I will cross that river into glory, but for now, I have a peace that passes all understanding. And I pray that I can be just as much of a blessing to someone today, as the cashier was to me.