“I said to myself, ‘I will watch what I do and not sin in what I say. I will hold my tongue when the ungodly are around me.’ Bus as I stood there in silence–not even speaking of good things–the turmoil within me grew worse. The more I thought about it, the hotter I got., igniting a fire of words: ‘Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered–how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to You; at best, each of us is but a breath.” Psalm 39:1-5
There’s a lot going on in my head today, Mother’s Day, and I stand in silence. The angry words well up inside of me and threaten to burst forth and ruin everyone’s day, but God’s faithfulness in speaking to His servant reminds me once again that I am only here for a little while and that the battles in front of me are His to fight. Speaking angry words are not going to improve my short life on earth, but it can make my days longer and sadder.
Instead, I choose to “take every thought captive” and think about the blessings that God is providing to me during my short time on earth. I remember the good times with my Mom, how she taught me to jitterbug and can beans. I choose to think about the good times with my children when we went camping. Tammy, my prodigal daughter, chasing frogs and swimming like a fish. Denny and Dad building a soap box derby car to ride down the hill behind our house. Nancy singing in the Northern KY Children’s Ensemble at Carnegie Hall and Brent filling the sandbox with water so that he could run his truck through the mud. These are what I choose to think about.
It’s been a hard six years and I’m not sure the circumstances will ever get better, but the way I look at them is. I choose to focus on the texts I receive from my wayward child that tell me how much she loves me rather than the fact that I don’t even know what her address is. I choose to focus on my youngest son’s phone call this morning at 8:00 AM because he wanted to be the first to wish me a “Happy Mother’s Day” and the Facebook wish from my oldest son. And, wonder of wonders, my youngest daughter actually mailed a Mother’s Day card this year! God is good.
There is so much that wells up in me and threatens to destroy my happiness today, but I refuse to dwell on the things that I have absolutely no control over and to cherish the offerings of beauty that I am surrounded with. I encourage each of you families that have adult children with addictions to join me in putting our focus on God and all that is good in our lives. It may take a little bit to find the good, but that’s why God said to take it captive.
May God richly bless each of you on this Happy Mother’s Day.
Sheila
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Heart Notes of Life 